Whenever I can’t sleep, I like to lie in the darkness and pretend I’ve been assassinated. I’ve found this is the best way to get comfortable. I imagine I’m in the coffin at my funeral, and people from my past are walking by my corpse and making comments about my demise.
Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world’s original sin. If cavemen had known how to laugh, history would have been different.
By now, everyone I know is one of seven strangers, inevitably hoping to represent a predefined demographic and always failing horribly. The Read World is the real world is The Real World is the read world. It’s the same true story, even when it isn’t.
Jewel moved 432,000 hardcover copies of A Night Without Armor, thereby making her the best-selling American poet of the past fifty years.
Toby Keith writes songs like 1993′s “Should’ve Been a Cowboy,” and what’s compelling is that you can’t deconstruct its message. “Should’ve Been a Cowboy” is not like Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive,” where Jon Bon Jovi claimed to live like a cowboy; Toby Keith wants to be a cowboy for real.
I sometimes wonder how many hours of my life I have wasted bitching about keyboards. The use of keyboards and synthesizers is the Roe v. Wade of ’80s metal. It was-without question-the lamest instrument a band could use.
What those anti-cookie-baking mothers wanted me to do was turn baseball into soccer.
The single-biggest proof that the Dixie Chicks are Van Halen is their audience; they are singing to the same teenage boys, except those boys are now teenage girls.
But whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relationship they perceive to be a normal part of living.
Nora Ephron accidentally ruined a lot of lives.
Within these strangely specific conditions, everything is perfect. We are perfect.
We were just old enough to be warped by childhood and just young enough not to realize it.
I love the way music inside a car makes you feel invisible; if you plan the stereo at max volume, it’s almost like the other people can’t see into your vehicle. It tints your windows, somehow.