I look at camping the same way I look at horror movies. All the years that humans fought to get into caves and into shelters – it almost seems sacrilegious to go outside and sleep without a roof. We work so hard to have these things!
Important things are inevitably cliche, but nobody wants to admit that.
But it goes without saying that Michael Jordan could never date Pamela Anderson. That would cause the apocalypse.
Flying to me isn’t scary, it’s just incredibly boring. And I guess I have a fear of boredom, so in that regard, I’m afraid to fly.
It’s possible this whole “Why do Latinos love Morrisey?” question will haunt us forever. Fortunately, Canadian academics are on the case.
Why don’t I like crowds? I suppose the worst possible thing I could say is that I don’t like people, and that crowds are just collections of people. That seems like a very nihilistic way to look at the world.
The most wretched people in the world are those who tell you they like every kind of music ‘except country.’ People who say that are boorish and pretentious at the same time.
Without a soundtrack, human interaction is meaningless.
This is what being alive feels like, you know? The place doesn’t matter. You just live.
Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose.
Booze is the greatest of all equalizers. Rich drunks and poor drunks both pass out the same way.
Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less.
We assume that all statements must be mild inversions of the truth, because it’s too weird to imagine people who aren’t casually lying, pretty much all the time.
Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time.
Life is rarely about what happened; it’s mostly about what we think happened.
I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack.
I hate motorcycles. Because if I hit one, even if it’s not my fault, if I’ve done nothing wrong, I’m not charged with manslaughter, he’s gonna die, because he’s on a motorcycle. So I have to live my life knowing that I killed this guy.
It feels so exhausting to be so bad at something I loved so much.
The worst thing you can do to anybody trying to be creative is to demand participation in their vision.
Punk was perfect for lazy people, because anyone could do it – you didn’t even need to know how to play your instrument, assuming you knew how to plug it in. There was really no difference between Sid Vicious and anyone in London who owned a bass.