Hillary Clinton announced she’s running for president. Yesterday in Ohio, Hillary popped into a Chipotle and she ordered a burrito bowl with chips and salsa. And on her way out she said, ‘That locks down the Hispanic vote.’
Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048.
Indiana’s governor is coming under fire for a new law that some people feel is anti-gay. The governor now says he is not anti-gay. Then immediately afterwards he said, ‘April Fools.’ It wasn’t his best joke.
Texas senator and tea party favorite Ted Cruz announced he’s running for president. He pledged to lead America boldly forward into the 1950s.
President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama’s mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran.
President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii’s governor said, ‘Great, who’s going to want to come to Hawaii now?’
The prime minister of Ireland will be celebrating St. Patrick’s Day at the White House. So finally the Secret Service agents will have a drinking buddy.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz said if elected president he would abolish the Department of Education. But not to worry. He promised to replace it with the less expensive Bureau of Book Learning.
It’s rumored that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s son is cheating on his girlfriend Miley Cyrus. After hearing about it Arnold said, ‘That’s my boy.’
Russia’s Vladimir Putin appeared in public for the first time after a mysterious 10-day absence. Putin said it took him that long to recover from the finale of ‘The Bachelor.’
People are questioning if Ted Cruz can legally run for president because he was born in Canada. And the last thing we want to do is pave the way for a President Bieber.
Hillary Clinton is trying an entirely different approach with Iowa than the one she tried eight years ago when she lost there. She will not start speeches by saying, ‘Hello, Iowa, or Idaho, or whichever one you are.’
Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband makes $300 million a year. She has to get by on $200 million a year, and that’s not fair.
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other hand, would be willing to have sex with the remote for the TV.
Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It’s perfect for the person who wants a car that crashes every ten minutes.
When it comes to being visionary in stealing, the Republicans do better than anybody. It’s really something to see.
No charm, no humor, no wit – and a personality which can only be described as ‘icky.’ .
There’s no cure for getting depressed. There’s no cure for self-loathing or periods of it. But figure out enough about it so that when it happens, you can get over it and keep moving and just accomplish more.
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how to get ink off your fingers using seltzer water and lemon juice.
Some McDonald’s restaurants are taking reservations on Valentine’s Day. They are getting a lot of tables for one.