Osama bin Laden’s death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, ‘President Obama saves the world.’ Stations on the right are going, ‘Obama kills fellow Muslim.’
I am probably a pseudo-intellectual.
Historically, when Americans don’t know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: ‘What am I going to do now? I’ll go to Paris!’
HD doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s a technical thing. It’s like demographics. A lot of people know about it.
Don’t ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don’t want to be one.
It’s very interesting to know what people are doing while you’re working on late-night television.
I don’t see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.
I’m not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn’t mean that at all. It means that you’re afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right.
I realized women and humor were linked very closely.
I don’t know now if I’m funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that’s funny.
I don’t get emails from my corporate overlords.
I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word ‘existentialism.’
I do a public access show with puppets. Puppets called actors, TV and movie stars.
It is Veterans Day, when we honor everyone who served in all of the campaigns. We honor them with dignity and respect, and of course mattress sales and tire discounts.
From this moment on I’d dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
Change is the law of God’s mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain.
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?
Harry Potter, he sends a message on Owl Mail while us poor old muggles have to make do with instantaneous emails and texting. Oh, if only we could be like you Harry Potter, with your four day owl delivery!