Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he’s not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn’t even say that.
Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.
The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.
Stand-up is the kind of gig that’ll show you where you’re at.
You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.
I’ve done 10 or 11 pilots for network television, which is ridiculous.
I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.
I have a very good life, a high quality of life. I have both money and time. No one has that.
I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you’re a guy who generates money, people have a vested interested in controlling you.
Who goes from America to Africa for medical attention?
They do what they do for money – that’s all. I don’t even know why you’re listening to me. I’ve done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can’t even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.
Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I’m seven years late for work.
I don’t do drugs, though. Just weed.
I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!
I got a lot of positive people around me.
I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one point, I’ll walk away from show business. But I don’t want to walk away empty-handed.
Being famous is great, it’s not like bad or horrible or anything.
I love being famous – it’s phenomenal.
I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.
I’ve been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I’ve never really been a CEO.