It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Learn how to set goals. That’s the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it’s not somebody else’s goal, it’s yours.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Things don’t make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that’s something everyone can do.
Listen, you don’t know any better so I’ll just tell you. You can’t try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.
I’m a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.
I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that’s what he told us in the letter...
I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.
And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.
I am happy that I ran the half-marathon, but to me, just running and saying that I finished a race isn’t enough for me. I want to run the race as best as I can. Working out for pants size isn’t enough. I need a goal or a race to get back on the treadmill every day.
What good is democracy if you can’t get what you want?
Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know?
I’m the kind of person that likes what I’m doing when I’m doing it.
I’m down to earth; people sense that and they appreciate it.