Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.
In conversation you can use timing, a look, an inflection. But on the page all you have is commas, dashes, the amount of syllables in a word. When I write, I read everything out loud to get the right rhythm.
I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use.
Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.
The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one’s soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive – you are leaking.
When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people with whom I share nothing except the right to trial by jury.
Randomness scares people. Religion is a way to explain randomness.
When I was young, boys didn’t type.
If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.
That I am totally devoid of sympathy for, or interest in, the world of groups is directly attributable to the fact that my two greatest needs and desires – smoking cigarettes and plotting revenge – are basically solitary pursuits.
I have the exact opposite problem of every writer I’ve ever met: Every writer I’ve ever met writes things that are too long, and they have to edit them down.
How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.
No one earns $100 million. You steal $100 million.
You should make it hard on yourself to write so you’re easier to read.
When I started publishing, I got offers to write for big magazines. But I would always say, “Well, it’s not that I don’t want to write for these big magazines, but you can’t edit it.”
Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.
Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel.
Once you go outside your natural audience, there are tons of people that don’t like you.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.