I want to get so famous that I don’t have to wake up in the morning. It’ll probably never happen.
I’m a big guy, but I’m really simple with the food. I’ll hit the In-N-Out or just the regular buffets.
Comedians do movies and TV so that when they tour, they sell out. That’s the goal: To get popular enough so the place is packed.
I was not the popular kid in school.
Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you don’t ever come across as offensive. Nobody sees you as a threat. You see someone in a Hawaiian shirt, and you are like ‘this guy is ready to party.’
I don’t have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as I’m alive and I’m living and I’m experiencing different things every day, the show will always change.
I don’t get controversial, I don’t get political and I don’t tell you what to do with your life. I just go out there and tell some stories, and people can relate.
I know what it’s like to have a family and not have insurance and really need it. As a comic, insurance was one of those sacrifices I made early on until I could afford it.
I’m always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that’s off stage. People know when it’s fake.
Believe it or not, I’ve got a really bad metabolism. One burger and I’m done. I’m not a guy that puts away 10 burgers.
That’s one thing about my shows. I tell people, I’m not a comedian, I’m just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don’t snap and so I don’t go off the handle when I get home.
My favorite people to have fun with are police officers ’cause they’re so serious, you know.
I see a Latino comic as someone who can only perform for Latino audiences. I cross the board.
The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and it’s really comfortable to drive and it’s real techy inside. You look at the screen and it’s blue and you’ve got all kinds of controls. Everything is digital.
Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.
Being on TV sucks. It’s a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I’m a control freak. When I’m doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.
I’m not fat. It’s just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.
I’m not on a diet. And it’s funny cause people go ‘Well, then why do you drink diet soda?’ So I can eat regular cake.
With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don’t have one for common sense?
When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.