He’s just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk. If he likes you, he’ll want to see you when his judgment isn’t impaired.
If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.
If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes.
People don’t admire you for what you hate, they admire you for what you do about it, and your slacks.
People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
I’m certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie!
When we’re picking someone who we want to spend a lot of time with, even perhaps for the rest of our lives, we generally try to pick someone who likes to do the things we like to do.
I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.
People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself.
You are not easily forgotten.
A good indication that it’s not is if you’re only staying with What’s His Name because you’re scared.
There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
Part of being a comedian is that it’s your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
I get giddy with the idea of stringing words together that make people laugh.
The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
Men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It’s insulting. It’s frustrating. It’s unfortunately the truth.
He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
There’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.
I’m fascinated with human relationships. I advocate the relationship you have with yourself.