A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
Temptation is a woman’s weapon and man’s excuse.
Wealth – any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.
Laws are no longer made by a rational process of public discussion; they are made by a process of blackmail and intimidation, and they are executed in the same manner.
The only good bureaucrat is one with a pistol at his head. Put it in his hand and it’s good-by to the Bill of Rights.
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.
The State doesn’t just want you to obey, it wants to make you WANT to obey.
It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.
Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.
The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.
War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
A man is called a good fellow for doing things which, if done by a woman, would land her in a lunatic asylum.
The only guarantee of the Bill of Rights which continues to have any force and effect is the one prohibiting quartering troops on citizens in time of peace. All the rest have been disposed of by judicial interpretation and legislative whittling.
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.