Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.
A woman flees from temptation, but a man just crawls away from it in the cheerful hope that it may overtake him.
The dollar sign is the only sign in which the modern man appears to have any real faith.
Estimated from a wife’s experience, the average man spends fully one-quarter of his life in looking for his shoes.
A bachelor has to have an inspiration for making love to a woman – a married man needs only an excuse.
A man always mistakes a woman’s clinging devotion for weakness, until he discovers that it requires the strength of Samson, the patience of Job, and the finesse of Solomon to untwine it.
A man may talk inspiringly to a woman about love in the abstract – but the look in his eyes is always perfectly concrete.
Nothing annoys a man as to hear a woman promising to love him “forever” when he merely wanted her to love him for a few weeks.
Alas, why will a man spend months trying to hand over his liberty to a woman – and the rest of his life trying to get it back again?
Eternity: The interval between the time when a woman discovers that a man is in love with her and the time when he finds it out himself and tells her about it.
A man marries one woman to escape from many others, and then chases many others to forget he’s married to one.
Verily, the best of husbands hath many raw edges, and many unnecessary pleats in his temper, and many wrinkles in his disposition, which must be removed.
Some men are born for matrimony, some achieve matrimony – but most of them are merely poor dodgers.
Some widowers are bereaved – others, relieved.
Fortunately for women, most men mistake loneliness for love before marriage, and habit for happiness afterward.
A man seldom thinks of marrying when he meets his ideal woman; he waits until he gets the marrying fever and then idealizes the first woman he happens to meet.
There are many times where a woman would gladly drop her husband if she did not feel morally certain that some other woman would come right along and pick him up.
Love is a matter of give and take – marriage, a matter of misgive and mistake.
Woman’s love – a mirror in which a man beholds himself glorified, magnified and deified.
Changing husbands is about as satisfactory as changing a bundle from one hand to the other; it gives you only temporary relief.