Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.
Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman’s punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him.
Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are ‘made in America.’
No man can understand why a woman shouldn’t prefer a good reputation to a good time.
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature – and another woman to help him forget them.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.
The tenderest spot in a man’s make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.
A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth – and endures all the rest.
A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little ‘personal characteristics.’
A man’s desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar – a practice which is still continued.
In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.
A fool and her money are soon courted.
An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country.
A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last.
It isn’t tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it’s separating himself from all the others.
A woman’s flattery may inflate a man’s head a little; but her criticism goes straight to his heart, and contracts it so that it can never again hold quite as much love for her.