I failed math twice, never fully grasping probability theory. I mean, first off, who cares if you pick a black ball or a white ball out of the bag? And second, if you’re bent over about the color, don’t leave it to chance. Look in the damn bag and pick the color you want.
I’d kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.
He’s going to jail. He can’t see. He can’t hear. He can’t take a leak that lasts under fifteen minutes. But he has an erection and all the other problems are small change. Next time around I’m coming back as a man. Priorities are clearly defined. Life is simple.
Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don’t go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.
You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet.
Morelli grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me to him, and kissed me. It was a great kiss, but I didn’t know what the heck it meant. It seemed to me a breaking up kiss would have had less tongue.
Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything. -Lula.
Yeah, I like that idea. Maybe he’ll shoot at us again. I was hoping someone would shoot at me today. That was the first thing I said when I got up: Boy, I hope I get shot at today.
And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert.
I was going to go to church, but I decided to get doughnuts instead.
I am not menopausal. I just wanted half an hour alone. Is that too much to ask? A crappy half hour!
I stuck my tongue out at him because I was feeling exceptionall mature.
That’s one of the things I like about Mary Lou. She’s willing to believe the worst about anyone.
At the other end of the room, Grandma had the lid up on Larry Lipinski. She was standing one foot on a folding chair, one foot on the edge of the casket, and she was taking pictures with a disposable camera.
When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good system since eventually I end up only with clothes that don’t need ironing.
Adaptation is one of the great advantages to being born and bred in Jersey. We’re simply not bested by bad air or tainted water. We’re like that catfish with lungs. Take us out of our environment and we can grow whatever body parts we need to survive. After Jersey the rest of the country’s a piece of cake. You want to send someone into a fallout zone? Get him from Jersey. He’ll be fine.
It was Lorraine in her nightie and Mo in his cap. They’d just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap in front of the television. When out in the lot there arose such a clatter, they sprang from their recliners to see what was the matter. Away to the window they flew like a flash, tore open the blinds and threw up the sash. And what to their wondering eyes should appear, but Stephanie Plum and yet another of her cars burning front to rear.
Once again, the key to true happiness is lowered expectations.
Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing. “It’s not funny,” I said. “Babe, I haven’t got a lot of funny in my life. Let me enjoy the moment.
I ordered a pitcher of beer,” Morelli said. “Hope that’s okay.” “It’s perfect. I need it now.” Morelli whistled through his teeth, and everyone jumped in the restaurant. He raised his hand and mouthed “Beer” to the waitress. “Gee, that’s smooth,” I said to Morelli. “I’m a Jersey Italian, and my girl needs a drink.