The devil’s aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs.
The heart is the real fountain of youth.
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already.
The physician who knows only medicine, knows not even medicine.
I simply can’t resist a cat, particularly a purring one.
There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.
It is better to support schools than jails.
When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
A country without a patent office and good patent laws is just a crab, and can’t travel any way but sideways and backways.
How superbly brave is the Englishman in the presence of the awfulest forms of danger and death; and how abject in the presence of any and all forms of hereditary rank.
I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast-but for luncheon-for dinner- for tea-for supper-for between meals.
One of life’s most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life’s least appreciated pleasures in defecation.
A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn’t make fun of another man’s cross-eyed aunt.
A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people’s Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.
Against a diseased imagination demonstration goes for nothing.
Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle winds have upon Gibraltar.
When an honest writer discovers an imposition it is his simple duty to strip it bare and hurl it down from its place of honor, no matter who suffers by it; any other course would render him unworthy of the public confidence.
Two things seemed pretty apparent to me. One was that in order to be a pilot a man had to learn more than any one man ought to learn; and the other was that he must learn it all over again in a different way every 24 hours.