A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.
Happiness ain’t a thing in itself -it’s only a contrast with something that ain’t pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain’t happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
I don’t know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don’t know why.
Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead.
A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak.
Patriotism is merely a religion-love of country, worship of country, devotion to the country’s flag and honor and welfare.
The primary rule of business success is loyalty to your employer. That’s all right as a theory. What is the matter with loyalty to yourself?
The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.
If men bore children, there would only be one born in each family.
Tell me about a person’s family, friends, and community, and I’ll tell you what his opinions are.
Each man is afraid of his neighbor’s disapproval – a thing which, to the general run of the human race, is more dreaded than wolves and death.
You can’t make a life over. Society wouldn’t let you if you would.
Out of the public schools comes the greatness of the nation.
Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.
I can’t do no literary work for the rest of this year because I’m meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.
I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.
The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card.
More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking.
I will remark in the way of general information, that in California, that land of felicitous nomenclature, the literary name of this sort of stuff is “hogwash”