Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth.
If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people.
All our acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish.
Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness.
We do not get ice-cream every where, and so, when we do, we are apt to dissipate to excess.
A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.
When whole races and peoples conspire to propagate gigantic mute lies in the interest of tyrannies and shams, why should we care anything about the trifling lies told by individuals?
There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.
You want to be very careful about lying; otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught.
It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right.
We don’t care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.
Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed.
The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.
But old fools is the biggest fools there is.
I have tried getting up early, and I have tried getting up late-and the latter agrees with me best.
But the people cannot have wells, and so they take rain-water. Neither can they conveniently have cellars or graves, the town being built upon “made ground”; so they do without both, and few of the living complain, and none of the others.
The fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being can be afflicted with. It is mostly confined to women, but now and then you find it in a little dog, and sometimes a man.
There isn’t any way to libel the human race.
The human race consists of the damned and the ought-to-be damned.
The symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax, for every human being has one concealed about him somewhere, and is always seeking the opportunity to grind it.