Don’t hate the circumstance, you may miss the blessing.
Whether I praise or criticize someone’s action, I imply that I am their judge, that I’m engaged in rating them or what they have done.
People don’t make us angry, how we think makes us angry.
Every message, regardless of form or content, is an expression of a need.
Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.
Some people use NVC to respond compassionately to themselves, some to create greater depth in their personal relationships, and still others to build effective relationships at work or in the political arena. Worldwide, NVC is used to mediate disputes and conflicts at all levels.
The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once remarked that observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence. When I first read this statement, the thought, ‘What nonsense!’ shot through my mind before I realized that I had just made an evaluation.
Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.
I believe that the most joyful and intrinsic motivation human beings have for taking any action is the desire to meet our needs and the needs of others.
Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you’ll live longer. Hear that they’re in pain. Don’t hear their analysis.
All human actions are an attempt to meet needs.
Understanding and connection can transcend conflict.
A need is life seeking expression within us.
The cause of anger lies in our thinking – in thoughts of blame and judgment.
I wouldn’t expect someone who’s been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain.
When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.
It’s never what people do that makes us angry; it’s what we tell ourselves about what they did.
Intellectual understanding blocks empathy.
Our goal is to create a quality of empathic connection that allows everyone’s needs to be met.
When we hear the other person’s feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.