People do not hear our pain when they believe they are at fault.
While we may not consider the way we talk to be ‘violent,’ our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.
At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.
We can’t win at somebody else’s expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person’s needs are fulfilled as well as our own.
Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.
Learning is too precious to be motivated by coercive tactics.
In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the other.
The intention behind the protective use of force is to prevent injury, never to punish or to cause individuals to suffer, repent or change.
Miracles can happen when we can keep our consciousness away from analyzing and classifying one another.
We are designed for Giving.
You’ll find people less threatening if you hear what they’re needing rather than what they’re thinking about you.
Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what they think about you.
Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren’t seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I’m suggesting, you’ll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously.
Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need.
Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.
The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.
They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need.
We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.
When we listen for feelings and needs – we can see that people who seem like monsters are simply human beings whose language and behavior sometimes keep us from seeing their humanness.
Empathy gives you the ability to enjoy another person’s pain.