People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.
The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things ’because we’re supposed to.
NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need.
When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness replaces violence and grieving.
We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.
I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I’m in a different world.
We are never angry because of what others say or do. It is our thinking that makes us angry.
Empathy lies in our ability to be present without opinion.
Once you can clearly describe what you are reacting to, free of your interpretation or evaluation of it, other people are less likely to be defensive when they hear it.
Never give advice to your children unless you have it in writing and notarized.
At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.
The objective of Nonviolent Communication is not to change people and their behavior in order to get our way: it is to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy, which will eventually fulfill everyone’s needs.
Our ability to offer empathy can allow us to stay vulnerable, defuse potential violence, help us hear the word ‘no’ without taking it as a rejection, revive lifeless conversation, and even hear the feelings and needs expressed through silence.
The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.
You can’t make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn’t made them wish they had.
Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.
We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.
Don’t get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand.
It’s harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.
If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.