Judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Plans to exact retribution are never going to make us safer.
When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not on our own values.
Never do anything that isn’t play.
What all the basic religions are saying is this: Don’t do anything that isn’t play.
Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet their needs.
Avoid ‘shoulding’ on others and yourself!
Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.
Upset? Ask yourself what this person does that is a trigger for judging them?
NVC gives us tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.
As we learn to speak from the heart we are changing the habits of a lifetime.
Use anger as a wake-up call to unmet needs.
As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism. We come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized.
Power-Over leads to punishment and violence. Power-With leads to compassion and understanding, and to learning motivated by reverence for life rather than fear, guilt, shame, or anger.
NVC is interested in learning that is motivated by reverence for life, by a desire to learn skills, to contribute better to our own well-being and the well-being of others.
When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.
I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.
Two things distinguish nonviolent actions from violent actions. First, you don’t see an enemy and second, your intention is not to make the other side suffer.
My ultimate goal is to spend as many of my moments in life as I can in that world that the poet Rumi talks about, ’a place beyond rightness and wrongness.
My need is for safety, fun and to have distribution of resources, a sustainable life on the planet. NVC is a strategy that serves me to meet these needs.