If he does it again, you have my permission to break his legs and arms and make him believe he’s a rodeo clown from Walla Walla,” I promised. “We can make him call himself Slappy the Wonder Clown.
Gabriel could anticipate Uncle Dave and Uncle Junior’s traditional wedding reception speech, entitled “If you hurt our girl, we will whip your ass.” Only this time, they would be adding, “Vampire or not.
Gabriel scowled at me. “And by OK, I’m sure you mean, ‘Oh, my love, whatever will I do if you come to harm?’ ” he said dryly. “No, it’s just that I’m so used to people coming after me, it’s kind of a refreshing change of pace.
That’s all you have to do, Jane, just find your fit.” “Or I can follow your lead and unleash a plague of locusts like this town has never seen,” I said, rubbing my chin with an evil-genius glare.
Food could be simple. Food could be anything you wanted, whether the ingredients came from a farmer’s market or a convenience store. Food could be fan-freaking-tastic.
New vampires are discouraged from trying to return to their normal human routines. Especially if those routines include tanning or working as a fireman. Your day will not end well.
I waited a beat before saying, “So, really, I’m not the craziest girl you’ve ever dated. That’s a relief.” “Your grasp of the weight of this situation is amazing,” he retorted. I shrugged. “I’m just saying.
Before you find yourself stranded in the woods with a cranky apex predator, ask yourself: Do I really want to go on a camping trip with a vampire? The answer is probably going to be no.
The brain may die, but my compulsion for useless trivia lives on,” I said, ignoring the frown that marred her alabaster brow.
But constantly thinking and talking about food is what makes werewolves some of the best chefs in the world. Think about it. Have you ever seen Emeril Lagasse during a full moon?
Why would anyone on the crew put on a red shirt? Honestly, it’s like they’re standing in front of their closet, and they’re thinking, ‘Yellow? Blue? Nah, today’s a good day to die.
What the hell happened in there? Did Akako Tomita attack you? I will cut that woman.” “She’s a supernaturally strong ancient creature with nine blades hidden in her invisible tails.” “I would figure something out,” Sonja insisted.
Somewhere in my heart a little door closed with a clean, quiet “snick.
Besides, when I take you to bed, we’re going to stay there for a long, long time. I don’t want the sun to interrupt us, which it would in just a few hours.” Did he say hours? Gabriel kissed my slack mouth and asked, “No response?” “Yay?
Team Jacob: Because Vampires Shouldn’t Sparkle.
She was wearing her favorite UK T-shirt that read, “I Bleed Blue.
I learned never to take him into a baby store. Ever. He snickered every time he heard the word ‘nipple.’” “Well, that’s what you get for dating a giant twelve-year-old,” I told her, sitting on Jolene’s left.
But somehow, every time there’s a natural disaster, news crews manage to track down one of these outdoorsy yahoos to interview about how the “twister came a-screamin’ down the holler” and destroyed the snake farm his family had been running for generations.
He doesn’t drink too much. He’s employed and works hard. He doesn’t have commitment issues, kids, or crazy ex-girlfriends. He doesn’t attach way too much emotion to the outcome of UGA football. He’s a mythical, perfect man, difficult to find. Impossible to capture. A unicorn.
Two hundred years of work experience was a human resources nightmare.