And in between the disturbing innuendos, there was normally a nugget of likability. Buried deep, deep down.
I worry when I’m not called to save your cute little hind end at least once a week.” “I don’t have a cute little hind end,” I groused. “I know, it’s more medium to large, but I was trying to be kind,” he replied, dodging the Pocket Guide to Poltergeist Activity I chucked at him.
Why is everyone so surprised that I have a stun gun?” “Because I’ve seen you staple your hand to a purchase order,” Andrea told me.
I’m sorry I have the emotional maturity of a grapefruit.” He grinned, his fangs glinting. “You don’t have the emotional maturity of a grapefruit. A tangerine, maybe, but I think you’ve got to work your way up to grapefruit.
Jane, if you’d been able to read these books, would you have felt more prepared, or would you have worked yourself into an information-overload-fueled frenzy, convinced that you could arrange the whole wedding yourself, and eventually killed one of your loved ones in a glue-gun-related mishap?” she asked, her lips quirked. “Probably that second one,” I admitted.
Even after having months to adjust, Iris was “displeased” about my employment, which was like saying PETA was displeased by the popularity of TripleMeat Whataburgers.
The two of them had a strange chemistry, like ammonia and bleach.
How have you survived this long without someone hurting you?
But she was going to eat as much pie as she damn well pleased, because as far as she was concerned, sugar was a natural substance that kept people around her from getting injured.
She could have had a heart attack!” Jenny insisted. “Oh, please, Ruthie’s an unstoppable force of nature, like the Black Plague or Richard Simmons.
Jillian’s mouth pulled back at the corners. “Ivy comes highly recommended, is even more qualified, but her bedside manner is appropriate for working with dead people.
Sophisticated and complicated and able to color-coordinate a room like you wouldn’t believe. I craved him with a bone-deep lust I’d once reserved exclusively for Godiva truffles.
The heart, you moron!” she screeched, clutching at the stake. “It has to be the heart!” “Oh, right, thanks,” I said, grabbing another sign. I screamed as I drove it home, aiming more carefully this time.
And I was beginning to suspect that Andrea was slipping extra espresso into her magical mystery coffee potions because “caffeinated Jane” amused her.
Nick and I are putting on a puppet show, Coop,” I responded dryly. “Please, Lord, don’t let that be a position I haven’t heard of,” Cooper said, shuddering.
Love? Love is for children and poor people...
Do you want to take a bath?” “Do I get the rubber fish?” He shook his head. “No, Herr Scalesnstuff is mine, but I’ll let you borrow Dr. Squeakenstein.
Dozens of freshly sharpened pencils were aimed straight at my chest. That did even things out a bit. “Let me ask you something. When you set about to make something like that, what exactly goes through your head?” He shrugged. “Mostly, ‘boobs, beer, this will be cool, boobs, beer.’ ” I bit my lip, because laughing didn’t seem appropriate at the moment. “Well, you’re honest.
When Gilbert needed money for graduate school, I sold a kidney on the black market for tuition.” “We can grow those back?” I asked. “It wasn’t my kidney.” “And now we’re back to the disturbing territory I’m comfortable with.
He tried to call himself Zed Oakendesk, after watching the Hobbit one too many times, but Bael refused because a man shouldn’t come up with his own nickname.