All positive interactions with other human beings involve, to some degree, the experience of visibility – that is, the experience of being seen and understood.
We are parts of one universe, true enough. We stand within an almost infinite network of relationships. Yet each of us is a single point of consciousness, a unique event, a private, unrepeatable world. This is the essence of our aloneness.
To honor the self is to be willing to think independently, to live by our own mind, and to have the courage of our own perceptions.
In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts.
To be flexible is to be able to respond to change without inappropriate attachments binding one to the past. A clinging to the past in the face of new and changing circumstances is itself a product of insecurity, a lack of self-trust. Rigidity is what animals sometimes manifest when they are frightened: they freeze.
A mind that trusts itself is light on its feet.
Most of us are capable of more than we believe.
As a psychotherapist I see that nothing does as much for an individual’s self-esteem as becoming aware of and accepting disowned parts of the self. The, first steps of healing and growth are awareness and acceptance – consciousness and integration. They are the fountainhead of personal development.
Ideas do matter and do have consequences.
If I am unwilling to take responsibility for the attainment of my desires, they are not really desires – they are merely daydreams.
Your life is important. Honor it. Fight for your highest possibilities.
One of the most important forms of heroism is the heroism of conciousness, the heroism of thought: the willingness to tolerate aloneness.
For the optimal realization of our possibilities, we need to trust ourselves and we need to admire ourselves, and the trust and admiration need to be grounded in reality, not generated out of fantasy and self-delusion.
Sometimes self-assertiveness is manifested through volunteering an idea or paying a compliment; sometimes through a polite silence that signals nonagreement; sometimes by refusing to smile at a tasteless joke.
When we doubt our minds, we tend to discount its products. If we fear intellectual self-assertiveness, perhaps associating it with loss of love, we mute our intelligence. We dread being visible; so we make ourselves invisible, then suffer because no one sees us.
The idea of Original Sin – of guilt where there is no possibility of innocence, no freedom of choice, no alternatives available – is anti-self-esteem by its very nature. The very notion of guilt without volition or responsibility is an assault on reason as well as on morality.
It is a mistake to look at someone who is self-assured and say, “It’s easy for her to be self-assertive, she has good self-esteem.” One of the ways we build self-esteem is by being self-assertive when it is not easy to do so. There are always times when self-assertiveness calls on our courage.
Perhaps the essence of our evolution as human beings is to keep answering, on deeper and deeper levels, the basic question: Who am I?
To persevere with the will to understand in the face of obstacles is the heroism of consciousness.
Sometimes the path to higher self-esteem is lonely and frightening. We cannot fully know in advance how much more satisfying our lives will be. But the more we are willing to experience and accept the many aspects of who we are, the richer our inner worlds, the greater our resources, the more appropriate we feel to the challenges and opportunities of life. Also, it is more likely that we will find – or create – a style of existence that will meet our individual needs.