The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and more acute as the fashions in lolling garments change. The American home is in danger of taking on the appearance of an Oriental bordello.
The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
In America there are two classes of travel – first class, and with children.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example.
The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something.
Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn’t got.
The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.
A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.
There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not.
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.