You have a train of thought?” Wicky asked, mock-surprised. “Wooow, really? Like, on rails and everything? I have a Roomba of thought. It can move ahead, but it likes to bump into things, get stuck where it’s not supposed to, and spin off in totally different directions.

— A.J. Sherwood

A.J. Sherwood Quotes

You ever meet someone and want to buy them a taser for their bathtub?

— A.J. Sherwood

Don’t tempt me. I do not want to go back there. The last time I was in an environment that hostile, I was allowed to shoot back.

— A.J. Sherwood

I save lives each day because there are people out there who need to be stabbed. And I don’t stab them.

— A.J. Sherwood

Rather than a prince, she’d take an assassin coming to her rescue any day.

— A.J. Sherwood

The most disturbing thing about accidentally waking up at four in the morning is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise. Really, who in their ever lovin’ mind thinks this a good idea? Just being awake irritated me.

— A.J. Sherwood

I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.

— A.J. Sherwood
Funny Resilience Sarcastic

Not to flex, but I’m better at making bad decisions than you.

— A.J. Sherwood

Are you seriously trying to make me use ‘yeet’ in a spell?” Bel didn’t even blink, just drolly responded, “Spellcraft is about intent, and the wording of a spell is often the product of the vernacular at the time, therefore using ‘yeet’ in a banishing spell is perfect acceptable. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

— A.J. Sherwood

Ours is a tale as old as time... A true romance that has been repeated throughout history. I saw a hottie in a tavern, took one look at him, and thought, I want that.

— A.J. Sherwood

Okay, so, I’m in Ikea, right?” Anh started, looking done with life. “And I’m trying to pronounce some of the names on these tags. Somehow – I have no idea how – but somehow I managed to summon a demon. He’s demanding the reason for his summons. What do I do with him?

— A.J. Sherwood

His mind wandered to a happy place where he could throat punch people and there were puppies and cupcakes after.

— A.J. Sherwood

I guess, sometimes, it’s really necessary to cut toxic people out of your life.” His expression was loving and supportive as he met my eyes. “It’s okay to do that, Ash. Just don’t use your fabric scissors.

— A.J. Sherwood

Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.

— A.J. Sherwood

You have a train of thought?” Wicky asked, mock-surprised. “Wooow, really? Like, on rails and everything? I have a Roomba of thought. It can move ahead, but it likes to bump into things, get stuck where it’s not supposed to, and spin off in totally different directions.

— A.J. Sherwood

I wasn’t saying they were stupid, but if you put a candle next to their ears, their eyes would shine.

— A.J. Sherwood

Was there a term like hangry, but in conjunction with sleep?

— A.J. Sherwood

I’m not procrastinating!” Ross called back, finishing attaching a very scary looking headdress onto a normally shy elf. “I’m doing side quests!

— A.J. Sherwood

I could safely say I would rather be sunburnt at the lake, covered in skeeter bites, trying to kill a water moccasin with a flip-flop, than be in the trunk of a kidnapper’s car.

— A.J. Sherwood

Wicky lifted his head, blinking a little and getting one brown eye open. “I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.

— A.J. Sherwood

Ross wasn’t one for seizing the day. He preferred poking at it with a stick.

— A.J. Sherwood
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