Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Sabbath – a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
An egotist is a person of low taste – more interested in himself than in me.
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.
Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.