Alien – an American sovereign in his probationary state.
Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
Land: A part of the earth’s surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.
What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.
Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It’s one of the curses of London.
It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.
LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he “lost his election”.
MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
CEMETERY, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager.
FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar’s nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.