Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.
Congratulations is the civility of envy.
The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.
OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.
Kiss. n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for “bliss”.
Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.
HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.
Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.
Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection’s failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.
RICH, adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the luckless.