Botany, n. The science of vegetables – those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.
Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible.
A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator’s bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures.
Nature’s fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
Woman absent is woman dead.
LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.
Here’s to woman! Would that we could fold into her arms without falling into her hands.
REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.
A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.
A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors – to dislodge the worms.
NOVEL, n. A short story padded...
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
Irreligion – the principal one of the great faiths of the world.
Historian – a broad-gauge gossip.