Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.
ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.
Congratulations is the civility of envy.
The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.
OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.
Kiss. n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for “bliss”.
Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.
HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.
Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.
Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection’s failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.