ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.
DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.
NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.
Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.
Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.
A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.
Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.
Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
PICKANINNY, n. The young of the “Procyanthropos”, or “Americanus dominans”. It is small, black and charged with political fatalities.
When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization.
HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another’s superiority.