I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
Woman absent is woman dead.
LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.
Here’s to woman! Would that we could fold into her arms without falling into her hands.
REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.
A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.
A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors – to dislodge the worms.
NOVEL, n. A short story padded...
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
Irreligion – the principal one of the great faiths of the world.
Historian – a broad-gauge gossip.
Genius – to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.
Erudition – dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
Amnesty, n. The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one’s voice.
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.