A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
He laughs best who laughs least.
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.
ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.
POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.
LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.
Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Romans the censor was an inspector of public morals, but the public morals of modern nations will not bear inspection.
Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.
Scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one’s own.
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.
FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs.
DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.
DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.
BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.
ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
APOTHECARY, n. The physician’s accomplice, undertaker’s benefactor and grave worm’s provider.
A penny saved is a penny to squander.