Platitude: All that is mortal of a departed truth.
NOBLEMAN, n. Nature’s provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.
The creator and arbiter of beauty is the heart; to the male rattlesnake the female rattlesnake is the loveliest thing in nature.
INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
LAST, n. A shoemaker’s implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.
Houseless: Having paid all taxes on household goods.
PLUNDER, v. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft. To wrest the wealth of A from B and leave C lamenting a vanishing opportunity.
Die: To stop sinning suddenly.
TRUST, n. In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies.
THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown.
Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction.
REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.
MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.
INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.