Truth – An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in “dialect” and humor in slang.
CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.
JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.
PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.
MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.
REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.
INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both – as Walt Whitman’s poetry and God’s mercy to man.
MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.
NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning – which is a phenomenon.
PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number – just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.
PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.
URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, “I beg your pardon,” and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.
Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.
PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.
GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.
DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician’s forecast of disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.