The 50-50-90 rule: anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
Being kind is more important than being right.
Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does.
Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
I’ve learned that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
We’re all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don’t make any big ones.
You can’t be a good writer without being a good thinker.
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.