So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he’s the first black person that is qualified to be president. That’s not black progress. That’s white progress.
The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.
The thing about Barack Obama, just from being around him, is he’s cooler than the other politicians, but just nerdy enough to do the job. Like you can’t be really cool and be the president.
If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.
Stand-up comedy is like the lowest medium in all of show business in levels of respect.
When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they’re crazy, because ‘sacrifice’ infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
Black movies don’t have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That’s not a name, that’s just a location.
I want to really take chances. I want to be funny in a lot of different ways. I’d like to be great. I want to reach for greatness.
If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it’s not that smart.
A sense of humor is great – it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better.
Most people don’t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
If you’re black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.
I’m old enough to remember when there were no black quarterbacks – there were no blacks on TV. I hope my son or daughter doesn’t have to be as fixated on race as I am, because he or she will grow up in freer times.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
Yeah, it’s unfair that you can get judged by something you didn’t do, but it’s also unfair that you can inherit money that you didn’t work for.
They’re working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I’m a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.