There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?
You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people.
It’s a mistake to read. Television is the only way.
The top two movies at the box office this weekend were ‘High School Musical 3’ and ‘Saw V.’ One movie features gruesome onscreen torture that is difficult to watch and the other is about a guy with a saw.
I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.
I’ve always believed, in my heart of hearts, that it would be a better show if, when I crossed over to the desk, the band kept playing for an hour and I danced in a cage.
It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.
Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation.
Success is a lot like a bright, white tuxedo. You feel terrific when you get it, but then you’re desperately afraid of getting it dirty, of spoiling it in any way.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to ‘The Terminator.’ In this one he travels back in time and kills the person who suggested he run for governor.
Today was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Usually when you see something rolling on the White House lawn it’s a drunk Secret Service agent.
Today, Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. Long story short: She adopted him.
California’s 74-year-old Senator Barbara Boxer announced she will not run for re-election in 2016. When I saw the headline ‘74-Year-Old Boxer,’ I assumed they were making another ‘Rocky’ movie.
A Saudi Arabian prince has said that oil may never again rise above $100 a barrel. He said it’s gotten so bad he can’t afford to buy his wife her own car that she’s not allowed to drive.
A congressman from Texas sent out a tweet comparing President Obama to Hitler. That is ridiculous because at this point in his career Hitler had a much higher approval rating.
A new Republican Congress is taking over. Sen. Ted Cruz has been appointed tooverseeing NASA in Congress. He says he wants NASA to focus on finding aliens so he can deport them.
Today in Sri Lanka, Pope Francis visited a Buddhist temple. When asked why, the Pope said, ‘Just keeping my options open. It’s a dicey job market. You never know.’
A congressman sent a tweet that compared president Obama to Adolf Hitler. He has now apologized. It’s not helping that he apologized to Hitler.
According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats.
At the State of the Union address last night, President Obama made history by using the words transgender, lesbian, and bisexual in that speech. It was the part of the speech where he was just reading Craigslist personals.