I used to love going fishing. I think it was really about the clothes. Nothing says real man like a vest with 38 pockets and a mesh hat with hooks in it.
A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I’m not going to do anything. I’m going as Congress.
I didn’t say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.
Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.
I grew up in Scotland in the 1970s. There was not much money. The most popular Christmas toy was probably a potato.
I can’t wait to see the debate between Ryan and Joe Biden. Biden is said to be already trying out different strategies. So far the one that Obama likes is where Biden pretends to have food poisoning and they cancel the debate.
I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.
Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.
Some people take the spelling bee very seriously. These people are called “parents of children in the spelling bee.” They’re trying to make up for their own childhood of crushed dreams and misspelled words.
I salute Rick Perry for the way he’s trying to overcome this. Today he came out and said he’s not one of those slick politicians, that this just shows his human side, and some third excuse he can’t remember.
I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: ‘Wait a minute – if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?’ And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk.
Don’t protest outside of a rich man’s house in the daytime, you’ll just scare the maid, and that’s Arnold Schwarzenegger’s job.
The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don’t.
A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name ‘Speedo.’ It doesn’t sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.
The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they’re smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed the bill years ago.
An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
I’m not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer – I’m a dragon irritater.
Oprah’s quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012.