I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.
I’m gonna enjoy being old I think I’ll be awesome at it.
It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.
Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn’t matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.
Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.
Insiders say Obama’s pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been ‘acting’ like he was born in Hawaii for a long time.
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.
You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.
The 3-D effects in “Star Wars” are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
Sober alkies are often asked: When did you hit rock bottom? but a more informed question might be: How many times did you hit rock bottom?
I did have a love for literature that overpowered my hatred of the people who taught it, and I think because I had no respect for the teachers, their attitude didn’t poison the writing that I was discovering for myself.
I don’t know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It’s not gay people who are ruining the sanctity of marriage, it’s celebrities.
The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It’s camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.
That’s the thing about terrorism – it works. Especially for the terrorists – they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.
Don’t hit women. Never, ever, ever.
New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can’t make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.
Nothing says romance like hobos, martyrs and decapitations.
The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.
Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.