My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.
I’m always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
I’m a late-night guy.
That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
If haters or whatever want to find you – I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I’m a guy that has love of the game.
My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
I’m really great in other peoples relationships.
You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.
Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire.
If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it’s still a negative. You’re just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I’m the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky.
I love singing along to the radio while I’m riding in the back of a squad car.
I feel like people who don’t brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they’re hiding something more even exciting.
Sometimes the only solution is figuring out a bigger problem to focus on.
Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you’ve got.
The problem with dating a model is they won’t go out with you if your cars color doesn’t match their outfit.
It’s the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes.