Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It’s not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
I won’t take no for a question.
There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair.
I’m fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush.
I don’t like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights.
When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that.
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
It’s an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn’t know you exist.
I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
I’m not racist, I’ve got a black president.
What am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens.
When someone’s running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
Text a guy you like right now, “I’m thinking about you.” If he says, “mmm are you in bed?” Never speak to him again he’s a lifelong moron.
I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
I live my life like there’s no yesterday.
I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
It’s not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
I’m not giving up on life. I’m giving up on today.
My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.