If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.
The more I protest that I’m not Lemony Snicket, and that I’m Daniel Handler instead, the more it becomes clear to the audience that I am in fact Lemony Snicket, that I am in fact standing in front of them.
Dumping you times infinity. Still not enough.
The Basic Eight and Watch Your Mouth both have first-person voices, and I ended up investigating those voices and investing so much in them that I think many people took them more seriously than they ought to have.
Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest thing, it is as if a stone has dropped into the pond, spreading circles of ripples further and further out, until the entire world has been changed by one tiny action.
Desperation is like a spilled drink; even if it’s delicious, no one will get near it. Cultivate an aura of glamorous unapproachability.
What you don’t read is often as important as what you do read.
I think there are probably just as many adults who would miss the humor of my books, if not more, as there are children.
That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day,...
I hadn’t even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart’s desire.
A girl meets a boy, Ed, and everything changes, or so she says.
Are you who I think you are?
And then like a song we’d forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.
You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!
Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows, they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.
There are many things in life that become different if you take a long look at them.
Troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them.
I love meeting people who have absolutely no sense of irony. It’s really fascinating to imagine what it would be like to go through life without understanding even the most basic of ironies.
If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.
The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wouldn’t have gotten it, Ed, I thought, watching her go. It’s why we broke up, so here it is. Ed, how could you?