Never knock on death’s door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. – T-shirt.
If I couldn’t be a good example, I’d just have to be a horrible warning.
I stop fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now. T-shirt.
I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.
I may not look like much, but I’m an expert at pretending to be a ninja.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. -T-Shirt.
I’d have a longer attention span if there weren’t so many shiny things.
I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.
It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.
You know you have ADD when Look A chicken – T-shirt.
There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, “This is Beam Me Up.” Then to my right. “And this is Scotty.” Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.
If you must eat a banana in public, never make eye contact.
An integral part of any best friend’s job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.