I was never good at sports. For a while I played Little League baseball, but I had very little interaction with the actual ball. I heard a lot of yelling about the ball, and I occasionally sensed that something – which I assumed was the ball – had just whizzed past me. But I almost never had any direct personal contact with the ball, which turns out to be crucial to succeeding in many athletic endeavors.
Molly and Teacher eyed each other in the manner of two young women who will never, ever, be great friends.
Little Richard walked a few paces back, armed with a flintlock pistol, which he hoped would be effective against spiders.
Culver is a language magnet school. What it’s mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds.
I really, really like Suzana Delgado, who is the most beautiful girl in the eighth grade and probably the world. She has like 183 million Instagram followers.
If you’re a novice in Cyberspace, you may think that buying a computer is a scary and confusing process. But the truth is that if you take a little time to learn a few basic principles and some of the technical lingo, buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. So let’s get started!
So for some reason everybody makes this huge deal about pandas. I don’t know why. They never actually do anything except eat and poop. But they’re really famous.” “Yeah,” said Suzana. “They’re like the Kardashians of zoo animals.
What happened was, they put me and my co-marshal, author Ridley Pearson, into an antique fire truck along with Daisy Duck and Clarabelle the Cow. I have nothing against either of these veteran Disney characters, but let’s be honest, their careers are not currently sizzling, especially in the case of Clarabelle, who hasn’t had a hit cartoon since roughly the Civil War.
In the morning always in the morning the moment comes when you are shuffling, sleep-slowed down the dawn-dim hallway shuffling in your nightdress it comes so sudden so cold so suddenly cold when it comes the dog nose in your butt.
You would stay at home, the anxious hours ticking by, and you would wait for your Phone Man. It was as close as most people came to experiencing what heroin addicts go through, the difference being that heroin addicts have the option of going to another supplier. Phone customers didn’t. They feared the power of the Telephone Company.
This is the funniest book I’ve ever held in my hands. – Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical.
In our language,” he said, “Alf means squid poop.
New houses, which are crap, because they don’t build them the way they used to anymore. Old houses, which used to be good, because they were built back when they built them the way they used to, but which today, as a result of being old, are crap. So whichever kind of house you own, it’s going to be some variety of crap, which means sooner or later everything in it will break. Dealing with broken things is the essence of home ownership, and it’s exhausting.
Arthur, compelled by masculine instinct, leaned over and frowned at the contents of the case, exactly the way countless males have frowned at household appliances, plumbing, car engines, and all manner of other mechanical objects that they did not begin to understand. After a few seconds, as if he had seen something that satisfied his hard-nosed masculine skepticism, he straightened up and said, “OK.
In my experience, any trend that reaches the point where large organizations are inflicting it on their personnel has a high statistical probability of being stupid.
Some of my close friends could easily be deceased; this would not have a serious effect on our relationship.
If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I’ve been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meal. Funny, isn’t it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner toll you could kill a musk ox with.
You could be Charles Manson, or Hitler, or even a lawyer who advertises on television, and your dog will still think you’re the greatest thing ever. This tells you something very important about dogs: They are not very bright.
I was clinging to this tree so passionately that I might very well have committed an act of photosynthesis with it.
Millions of women got the Farrah Fawcett model hairstyle, thinking this made them look like Farrah Fawcett, when in fact it made them look like French poodles that had fallen into vats of hydrogen peroxide.