Have you got a flag?
I am an evil Giraffe.
If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.
If you’ve never seen an elephant ski, you’ve never been on acid.
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don’t want to do mincing steps. And there was some girl I saw walking up Holloway Road in Islington who had this long languid walk and I thought, that’s what I like, so I incorporated her walk into mine.
They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.
When I was seven, I said, “I want to act.” When I was 10, I realized that films exist, and I wanted to be in them. Not a comedian, I wanted to be a dramatic actor. Films just seemed such fun, and like such a great thing to do.
MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be truthful and funny, but if you’re not truthful in a drama than the audience leaves you.
Because we all know one of the main factors of war is the element of surprise. And what could be more surprising than the First Batallion Transvestite Brigade? Airborne Wing.
Your eyes flashed fire into my soul. I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of Albert Schweitzer, I FANCY YOU!
I don’t believe in God. I believe gods and devils are within us. It’s our own battle. Our life’s battle is to appeal to the gods within us, and to fight the devils within us.
We have two hundred languages in Europe. Two hundred languages! Count them! I know you won’t!
Cable cars are fun – everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey.
Never put a sock in a toaster.
You’ve got to believe you can be a standup before you can be a standup. You have to believe you can act before you can act. You have to believe you can be an astronaut before you can be an astronaut. You’ve got to believe.
I’m into humanity. I don’t believe in God, but I believe in human beings.
What was the first cat that talked a human into putting a cat door in?