I want to be alone with my thoughts.
The strong must protect the sweet.
When a woman says nothing’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong! And when a woman says something’s not funny, you’d better not laugh your ass off!
Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster’s dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one’s garden.
If it doesn’t have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.
You can’t go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain’t ketchup!
Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.
My wife’s not some doobie to be passed around! I took a vow on our wedding day to bogart her for life.
I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
Don’t mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers.
We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you?
You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it’s not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?
I won’t lie to you, fatherhood isn’t easy like motherhood.
Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Never throw a butcher knife in anger.
If you’re gonna get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I’ll just have to stop doing stupid things.
Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.
Rock stars, is there anything they don’t know?
I’ll get out of this city alive, even if it kills me!
Do I know what rhetorical means?