Because they’re stupid, that’s why. That’s why everybody does everything.
A gun is not a weapon! It’s a tool, like a butcher’s knife, or a harpoon, or an alligator.
I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.
I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
It’s about time trees were good for something, instead of just standing there like jerks!
And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
You don’t win friends with salad.
You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman’s bottom? That’s right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.
Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
It is better to watch people do stuff than to do stuff.
All my life I’ve been an obese man trapped inside a fat man’s body.
For too much rest becomes a pain.
What is this word that broke through the fence of your teeth, Atreides?
For never, never, wicked man was wise.
Earth sounds my wisdom, and high heaven my fame.
Discourse, the sweeter banquet of the mind.
The melancholy joys of evils pass’d, For he who much has suffer’d, much will know.
If they think I’m going to stop at that stop sign, they’re mistaken!
A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.