I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
If you’re a surfer, you just want to surf. You don’t know if anyone’s going to see you, and you don’t really care if they see you. You just live for that feeling.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I’m ready to handle whatever I have to handle.
Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it’s always, who’s responsible for this?
I love advertising because I love lying.
I’m in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people’s feelings.
There’s nothing more fun than entertaining kids.