Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
There’s a tremendous power and energy in sharing your life with another person.
What’s the point of dating without games? How do you know if you’re winning or losing?
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
People should get married because they have finally seen the folly of being single: “Oh, this is all just kind of a bad magic trick. I just keep bending over to reach for this wallet on a string. How much longer am I gonna do that?”
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.
Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
Make no mistake about why these babies are here – they are here to replace us.
You know how your charger for your phone? It’s like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind.
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
I wrote an article on a new Porsche for ‘Automobile Magazine.’ I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I’m more proud of that than anything.
Writer’s block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.
If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
Celebrity is no different from any other energy. It’s a force for good or evil. It’s no different from money. It’s power.