It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.
A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it’s just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
I love advertising because I love lying. I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to buy useless, low-quality, misrepresented items and services is an excellent use of your energy.
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.
The best revenge is living well.
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
There is no such thing as an attention span. There is only the quality of what you are viewing. This whole idea of an attention span is, I think, a misnomer. People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.
I have no plants in my house. They won’t live for me. Some of them don’t even wait to die, they commit suicide.
I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
You don’t even really need a place. But you feel like you’re doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you can sprinkle that on, that’s your answer.
What’s the deal with Ovaltine? It comes in a round container, you put it in a round glass, why don’t they call it Roundtine?
Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
I hate the waiting room. Because it’s called the waiting room, there’s no chance of not waiting. It’s built, designed, and intended for waiting. Why would they take you right away when they’ve got this room all set up?
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That’s how you know you’re still alive.
A chef who doesn’t wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It’s a cry for help.